NOT AT ALL TAKEN WITH TAKEN
September 28th, 2008 by Adrian ReynoldsTaken is all about what happen when Liam Neeson’s daughter Kim gets kidnapped, and if you ask me it’s Bono’s fault. Kim is following U2 round Europe with her Paris Hilton-lite gal pal, and when they hit Paris the two of them are fast talked by an Albanian smoothie. Next thing you know it the two American teens are captured, pumped full of junk, and you don’t want to know what happens next.
That said, would their fate have been any worse had they eschewed their European trip and gone to college for some all-American hazing? But the big fear here is what happens to American youngsters when they set foot on foreign soil. The surprise is that this meretricious and borderline racist tripe (wait till you meet the Arabs in the story…) was penned in part by the very French Luc Besson.
Liam Neeson took early retirement from doing something unspecified and dangerous to foreign nationals on behalf of the Bush administration to obsess about his daughter. She’s the product of his relationship with a very fetching ex, and genetics has resulted in Kim being quite a looker herself: had she been more of a moose, no way would the Albanian bad guys have wanted to pimp her out. Which is what they do with a seemingly limitless supply of comely foreign teens, who are laid out drugged up in tents for all the world like students at Glastonbury half-listening to Manic Street Preachers on a wet weekend.
Somehow, it hasn’t occurred to the Albanians that two American girls staying in a luxury apartment could be worth more as kidnap victims than hookers. Either the bad guys are none too bright, or the dollar really has taken a tumble against the Euro and I need to invest my script doctoring earnings in prostitution rackets and not kidnapping.
The fact that I was contemplating currency markets while watching this film tells you a good deal about how compelling it is. There is nothing remotely surprising about Taken, from its mechanical plotting to its stilted dialogue and direction by Pierre Morel. Interesting that the director is named after a mushroom: he should be able to identify with how I feel, having spent too long in the dark being subjected to his bullshit.