I’ve thought for a while that one good way to generate stories for those big one and two part dramas on ITV is to look at what the Daily Mail is saying. Not that I’m recommending the Mail as a journal of record, but if you want a paper that believes its finger is firmly on the pulse of Middle England – and many politicians seem to think that it does – then the Mail is your paper of choice. Let’s have a look at today’s copy, to see what dramas it inspires…

200 DRIVERS TRAPPED AS BLIZZARDS AND FREEZING WEATHER SWEEPS ACROSS COUNTRY

There’s plenty of jeopardy here, as the story follows a single mum and her child in one car; a stressed executive looking forward to a weekend with his mistress; and a lorry-load of illegal East European refugees. The danger is it’s all going to be rather static, since the camera is going to be pointing at people in their vehicles for the most part. What’s needed then is for a plucky group of the stranded to band together to seek the comfort of a motorway service station, where chunky vegetable soup and reheated lasagne is available. Then we can have conflict within the service station staff, about whether their social duty to the survivors outweighs their obligation to provide profits for their employers. If we can get Sarah Lancashire as the feisty cook, conflicting with a by-the-book station manager, then I reckon we’ve got a goer.

‘ELECTRICITY WOMAN WITH AMAZING POWERS’ CAUSES LIGHTS TO FLICKER WHEN SHE GETS STRESSED

In the Mail’s account, it turns out she has no control over this freakishness. Dramatically then, it would be good if she had to gain control over her mutant ability to save the day. Which is easily engineered: all that’s required is an accident somewhere remote, perhaps caused when she has a strop with her boyfriend in his helicopter and causes the power to fritz. Rescuers come looking for the victims, but there’s no clear indication where they’re to be found. It’s up to the electricity witch to control her abilities and send out a signal in morse from the helicopter’s lights. Sarah Lancashire would be perfect as the woman with the electrical powers.

JUDGE DEMANDS END TO MIXED-SEX WARDS AFTER ALCOHOLIC PATIENT GROPES FRAIL DEMENTIA SUFFERER

Now bear with me here, because I think this has great comedy potential. All we have to do is look at the genders: if the alcoholic is Sarah Lancashire, and the dementia sufferer David Jason, the whole thing starts to become poignant. The ward can be a microcosm of modern Britain, and the judge’s demand an example of political correctness gone mad, which the Mail and its readers are fervent believers in. Naturally, the patients rally round and stick it to the judge, demonstrating that they recover better in an environment where flirting is encouraged.

TOO BUSY TO EAT, THE WORKING MOTHERS WITH ‘STRESSOREXIA’

Let’s face it, Sarah Lancashire is pretty skinny. Which makes her ideal to star in this story of a mother struggling to build up her business after a nasty divorce, while bringing up her mildly autistic son. She’s faddy about food to start with, but by the second ad break it’s clear she’s a victim of ‘stressorexia’. Only guidance from a dishy doctor will restore balance to her life, and as she puts on the pounds, passion stirs between them. Close on the new family unit chowing down on Swedish meatballs after buying a symbolic three-seater sofa at IKEA